100 Amusing Funny Marriage Quotes For The Couples
Marriage is a sacred knot that ties two people together for the rest of their lives. Life becomes easy when you can laugh and smile with your life partner and share a lovable equation of comfort with each other. Whether it’s your anniversary or you just want to show your gratitude to your spouse, funny marriage quotes can surely help you express your feelings in rightful words. Scroll till the end and copy/paste any quote that suits your current mood.
Funny Marriage Quotes for Friends – Funny quotes in marriage
A sense of humor can play the role of oxygen for couples, especially in long-lasting happy marriages. If your friends are getting married, this is the perfect time to tease them, motivate them, or make them laugh with the following funny marriage quotes.
“A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You’re dead right now. —Bride Wars
“If you’re thinking of getting married, you might as well learn right now that you have to let women be women.” —Hello, Dolly!
“Honestly, if you’re not willing to sound stupid, you don’t deserve to be in love.” —A Lot Like Love
“I love you. That’s why I make you miserable.”– Real Women Have Curves
“You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn’t screwing it up. Yeah, and your looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn’t screwing it up.”—The Goonies
“I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure that I’m arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.” —J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.’ Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals.” —The Office
“But the thing is this, after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.” —Sex and the City
“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.” —Forrest Gump
“She’s your lobster. C’mon, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” —Friends
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” – Mickey Rooney
“To keep your marriage brimming; with love in the loving cup… Whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
“Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”- Janet Periat
“Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” – Joginder Singh
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” Prince Philip
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” – Homer Simpson
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” – Michelle Obama
Funny Marriage Captions – Marriage Quotes Funny
If it’s your anniversary and you are looking for perfect one-liners or funny marriage captions or Quotes, then the following marriage captions can become your voice.
“When you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?” —Definitely, Maybe
“If you’re ever with a girl that’s too good for you, marry her.” —Valentine’s Day
“I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.”– Her
“Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.” —Chris Hemsworth
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” —Chelsea Handler
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.” —Dr. Joyce Brothers
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin
“I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” —Rob Delaney
“Michelle’s like Beyoncé in that song, ‘Let me upgrade ya!’ She upgraded me.”—Barack Obama
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” —Mae West
“I’m married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me.” —Fiona Shaw
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” —George Burns
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” – Mickey Rooney
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” – Rick Reilly
“Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
Best Marriage Quotes for Newlyweds
Whether you are newlywed or celebrating your relationship’s 100th-day milestone, these Marriage quotes funny can help you spark your anniversary cards, and social media captions.
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —Ogden Nash
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henry Youngman
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” – Rita Rudner
“Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Anonymous
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go and live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is when a man and woman promise to love, honor, and annoy each other for the rest of their lives.” – Unknown
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” – Megan Mullally
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”- Stephanie Ortiz
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” – Red Skelton
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” – Albert Einstein
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” – Joseph Barth
Short Funny Marriage Quotes for Wives
Women always complain that they want lovey-dovey expressive words of love from their spouse or partners. If you could relate to or have a wife who is a tantrum queen, following funny marriage quotes for wives will help you lift your wives mod effortlessly.
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.” – Rory Elder
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” —Cherry
“Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.” – St. Jerome
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” – Eddie Cantor
“The best thing to ever happen to a marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” – Rick Reilly
“Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
“Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.” — Carrie
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
“Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.” – Julieanne O’Connor
“There are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But who wants it easier?” – Mary Oliver
“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.” – Alan King
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
“Marriage should be a duet – when one sings, the other claps.” – Joe Murray
“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson
“We both said, ‘I do!’ and we haven’t agreed on a single thing since.” – So I Married an Axe Murderer
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.” – Forrest Gump
“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” – Chip Gaines
Marriage Quotes for Instagram
Instagram is full of couples who love to share their life snippets on social media under the hashtag couple goals. Whether celebrating an anniversary or sharing shots from any recent family event, these marriage quotes can perfectly fit your Instagram posts as captions.
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” – Molly McGee
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” – Bill Maher
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” – Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.” – Benjamin Franklin
“People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” – Tom Hanks
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” – Henry Youngman
“A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.” – Frank Sinatra
“My husband and I have never considered divorce…murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” – Lee Judge
My prince is not coming on a white horse … He’s obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.” – Unknown
“Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Michelle’s like Beyoncé in that song, ‘Let me upgrade ya!’ She upgraded me.” – Barack Obama
“We got married: society’s solution to loneliness, lust and laundry.” – George Cockcroft
“I’m married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me.” – Fiona Shaw
“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” – Oscar Wilde
“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” – Groucho Marx
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” – Chris Rock
