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Funny Quotes

It’s incredible how certain folks know when and how to be amusing. Perhaps it was their sparkling wit, easygoing manner, or acerbic words that made them renowned. Perhaps it’s the topics on which they’ve chosen to comment. You ought to use funny quotes in your stories, narrations, and your verbal encounters. Funny quotes will enhance your charm as a person. Your words will certainly arouse emotions in your listeners or readers and be remembered. Humour is about reconsidering situations, deviating from the conventional to surprise, and getting to know one another.

Funny Quotes Are Self-Assuring 

If you have a good sense of humor, especially a witty one, it demonstrates that you are self-assured, gregarious, and intellectual. Persons are drawn to people who are self-assured, friendly, and intelligent. Also, because laughing is enjoyable, we draw toward those with whom we can share a good laugh.

1. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

2. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

3. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

4. “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

5. “Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus

6. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

7. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

8. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney

9. “He who laughs last didn’t get it.” – Helen Giangregorio

10. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott

11. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

12. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

13. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield

14. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

15. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

16. “Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

17. “Common sense and a sense of humour are the same things, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

18. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright

19. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

20. “Don’t scare me, I fart easily.” – Unknown

Funny Quotes Give You a Chance To Making Friends 

People who lack humor are unpleasant to be around. People prefer cheerful experiences, and the best way to spread happiness is through laughter. Life is full of disappointments and frustrations, and the best way to deal with these unfortunate events is to find a positive side to each one or to distract yourself with things that make you smile, such as silly movies, jokes, and playing with friends. These activities help us deal with everything negative in our lives.

You May Like: Friendship Quotes about Laughing

1. I made my Facebook name “Benefits,” so when you add me now it says “you’re friends with benefits.”

2. A good friend calls you in jail. A great friend bails you out of jail. Your best friend sits next to you and says “wasn’t that fun?”

3. Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.

4. Good friends finish your sentences. A best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier in the process.

5. I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

6. You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.

7. As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.

8. Best friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone!

9. I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness.

10. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

11. We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

12. I was an innocent being… Then my best friend came along.

13. No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.

14. We’ll be friends till we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.

15. Never let your best friends get lonely… keep disturbing them.

Why Do We Love Short Funny Quotes And Funny Sayings? 

People with a good sense of humor can reduce stress in a variety of stressful situations. For many individuals, a sense of humor is an indication of intelligence, because it appears to us that if someone jokes pertinently, they must be intelligent. Humor is entertaining. Not only can watching comedy make people laugh, but it also makes time spent with jokers fun. A person who is joking gives the impression that they are nice to them. People feel better around those with a good sense of humor and are ready to spend time with them since jokes make the mood lighter.

Related Read: Quotes About Living a Beautiful Life

1. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – Unknown

2. “Every tattoo is temporary because we’re all slowly dying.” – Unknown

3. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain

4. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

5. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott

6. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

7. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

8. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

9. “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris

10. “If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fly into space.” – Unknown

11. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

12. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

13. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

14. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

15. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” – Unknown

Why Is The Sense Of Humor Important; Tells Funny Quotations?

Having a sense of humor just demonstrates that, after all that we have lived and seen, we can still laugh at ourselves and our surroundings, even if it is a squirrel attempting to rescue his supper and getting it lost somehow and then trying again (Ice Age?) There is also the other side of a sense of humor, which can devolve into a “dark sense of humor” or a “dry sense of humor,” as evidenced by the people of England. The wisest individuals, on average, prefer to laugh it out a little rather than cry it all out. Why do some people choose to become engrossed in their unhappy emotions rather than choose happiness?

Related Read: Short Quotes About Happiness

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

—Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”

—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”

—David Letterman

5. “Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

—Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”

Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”

—Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet access to see who they really are.”

—Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

—Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”

—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

—Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

—Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”

—Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your maths skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”


15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you have to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld)

Our Brain Produces Funny Cells As Per Deep Funny Quotes  

It has to do with our corpus callosum and our ability to produce empathy and happy cells, both of which can be trained. notwithstanding the claims of some other experts that once a brain cell is gone, it is gone forever. We now know that we constantly produce cells and that we can instruct our brains to produce joyful cells.

Related Read: Inspirational Quotes On Life

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

—Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”

—Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

—Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”

—Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”

—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he doesn’t eat any meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.”

—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”

—George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”

—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”

—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”

—Ellen DeGeneres

Spread The Word Of Love Around Through Funny Quotes 

Choose to radiate love and compassion from your inner self out into the world, and you’ll be well on your way to happiness. (Run away from wicked evil people who may be attempting to injure or hurt you, they have their own lives to improve.)

Related Read: Short Love Quotes

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”

—Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.”

—Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.”


74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”

—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.”

—Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”

—Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.”

Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!”

Individual: “I’m not!”

—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Surround Yourself With Positive People Through Funny Words

It has to do with our corpus callosum and our ability to produce empathy and happy cells. Surround yourself with people who are good for you and wish you the best in life, and continue to learn (it can take a lifetime) to have a sense of humor and Laugh Out Loud Like a Child!) I can be taught to be better. 

Related Read: Quotes About Good Times With Friends

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”

—Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”

—Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”

—Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”

—Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.”

—Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”

—Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”


93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

—Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

Fun Would Never End With Funny Sayings And Funny Quotes 

What would you prefer to do? Should I cry and think about how unhappy I am, or should I grin and keep going? Of course, a person needs to live most of the time happier and more charmed. We hope that you must have loved reading the Funny quotes and you’d keep on doing it. We do have various Funny quotes that would charm you.

Related Read: Hope Quotes

~I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

~Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb

~When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield

~Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg

~Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Unknown

~I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg

~The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray

~I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

~A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright

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Written by Casey Mcclain

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